TEN FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES:

(please read Principle#1, April 2010)



KEY PRINCIPLE #2

Clarity of Motives, Intentions, and Values= Clarity in Decision Making


Everyday we make 100s of decisions. It is impossible to move forward or take any step without making some kind of decisions. From the moment we open our eyes in the morning, we face multiple choices. We must choose one direction over other options in order to move . Many of these decisions are simply routine and do not require serious analytical thinking and evaluation. Should I get up immediately or stay in bed few more minutes? What color of shoe should I wear today? Do I have time to eat breakfast?
Most of the time old habits and level of energy and hope in our current daily life will guide us through these decision making processes. Based on degree of hope for achievement during the day, our level of enthusiasm in making these simple decisions will change.

As circumstances in daily life become more complex in nature, our decision making process also require higher level of critical thinking and clarity. Clarity about the logical structure we need to follow and clarity about our motives and values. Also being focused on gaining more knowledge about the issues and conflicts we are trying to resolve. For example, what resources, and people will guide us in making decision about our field of study in college? What career is best choice based on our talent, passion, and needs? What factors are essential in finding the best dating match and future spouse? How we find friends, keep them, and enjoy their long term companionship? What step someone must take to become financially secure in short term and after retirement? Overall, how we are able to achieve higher level of emotional intelligence in dealing with authorities, supervisors, our children, and in intimate relationships? What is the best way to gain self-respect and avoid making repeated mistakes?

CLARITY

Clarity of motives, intention, and values are essential ingredients to succeeding in business and relationships. In any decision making process we must ask few key questions:

1. What is it that I am looking for?

2. What outcome I am anticipating or expecting?

3. What is my purpose in taking this action?

4. What are my real internal motives?

5. what are my true intentions?

6. Which values are guiding me in making this decision?

CLARITY OF INTENTION

Every decision that we make must be guided by a clear intention. Before we leave home in the morning , we set our intention to have a peaceful, and productive day. With this clear intention we will avoid all potential distractions, including toxic situations and people. If we are driving to our destination, angry drivers, and their finger pointing way of communicating will not distract us from our mission of being in peace. We keep focusing on having a productive day. We decide to have greater control in our life.

Creating powerful intention is critical in achieving expected outcome in making decision. It is a conscious choice to direct the mind. It is a desire to be free and clear from toxic emotions. For us to create a new reality, we need to have intention to guide our attention in a new direction. When the intention is not clear and Strong, our attention shifts from one goal to another and leads to disappointment and confusion. For example, if the intention is to attend school and advance our education, we must be clear about the reasons and benefits of this decision. We Frequently anticipate the outcomes and distance ourself from current situation and what we intending to change. Setting a reasonable time frame to achieve our intention in action is a main tool. Just having a good intention is not sufficient enough to make it happen in real life. We need to move from consciousness and dream to reality by calculating every step of the way. If our intention is to be fair and honest in interaction and dealing with people in daily life, we must be clear about time, place, needed skills, and interests of others involved. If the intention is to make money in a business interaction, be clear about it in your mind and to others. If you have mixed intention, to make money and still help others, reveal it.

Having hidden agenda is opposite of clear intention and true empowerment. One of the crucial sources of conflict and mistrust in relationships, business interactions, and politics is fear of hidden agenda. Couples lose trust in each other degree of honesty, if they sense hidden agenda and confusing intention. For example, Passive aggressive men or women have difficulties to express their needs and desires. As a result of this decision, one can not have a clear idea what the other person wants. Passive aggressive person does not have clear intention and appears having hidden agenda. This Person makes decision to use silent treatment and disconnection as a way to communicate his/her needs for love and attention from spouse.

In world of politics, using hidden agenda is a very popular technique. For example, during the election, each side attacks policies of the other side, without discussing real issues. They give public a detail reason, why attacking another nation's policies, but the truth comes out in the form of hidden agenda which is not revealed to people. Sometime, people do not know the truth for many years and they live with consequences of false information based on politician's' hidden agenda.

Another source of confusion in decision making process is buried unmet needs. Lack of clarity about our unmet needs and desires set the stage for disappointment in relationships and building trust. For example, a person that has been depraved of true love and attention in childhood and now uses anger, manipulation to fulfill the unmet need for love. This individual needs affection in a loving relationship, but it comes in a form of being needy for approval, controlling, and moving from relationship to relationship. It is empowering to discover our hidden and unmet needs and unfinished businesses. Being clear about needs and learning healthy ways to fulfill them, will remove the obstacles in making clear and long lasting decisions. This is a crucial step to remove unnecessary emotional pain in any relationships from personal to business.

CLARITY OF MOTIVES

There is a calculative reason behind any simple or important decision we make. The decision is made when our brain formulate a beneficial reason for it. After the final order from central intelligence, we execute it in action. For example, brain evaluate the benefit of which phone call we should return in a giving time. We anticipate something good as an outcome before we choose which person we like to contact.

The motive is the reason why we are going to take action. In criminal law the motive is the reason behind the commission of the offense. For example, your spouse has a 2 million dollar life insurance policy that pays directly to you in the event of death, than you have a possible motive to kill your spouse. Sometime our real and internal motives are different from what we present to people. The real reason for inviting a group of friends to our home for a formal dinner is to sell our products to them in near future. However, our presented motive is, social interaction and keeping in touch with them.

We must be in touch with our mind, body, and emotions in any action and interaction to discover our true and honest motives. Self-awareness and listening to our inner voice will guild us to the real motives in relationship, business interaction, and friendship. The reason for our action is simply our benefits in that interaction, which is the motive behind the action. Seeking benefits as a base of our motives is natural, but hiding and manipulating our reasons are indicators of dishonesty and hidden agenda. Ultimately, clarity of motives will lead us to higher level of detoxification in emotions and thinking which help to discover the true-self and inner peace.

ULTIMATE MOTIVES

We participate in different situations for many known and unknown reasons, including fulfilling needs, desires, wants, gaining power and control, and helping others. Sometimes simply our motive is to fulfill our unmet needs. As long as it is clear to us and we are open about this motive without harmful intention is acceptable. Sometimes we have multiple needs to fulfill. For example, someone decide to go to church for spiritual reason, to be part of community, socialize, and find an intimate companionship. Regardless of our reasons and motives, we are seeking benefits and comfort. Sometimes these benefits are for personal gains, spiritual connections, or simply helping others. Our motives as a force to push us to act are driven by our values and beliefs. However, regardless of our different values, we do things based on gaining good feelings. For example, Mother Teresa and Bill Gates are driven by the similar force. They are both driven by gaining good feelings in their journey of life and achievement, with different values. Bill Gates was motivated to build the most successful company, Microsoft, and he became the richest man in early 2000. On the other side, Mother Teresa dedicated her life to poor and disadvantage people all over world, without any financial motives. Regardless of their different style, ultimate motive was to gain good feelings for themselves and other people. It was a conscious decision.

One thing is clear to us that everything we do, we do it either out of our desire to avoid pain or to create good feelings. For example, we go for a walk, watch movies, exercise, socialize, and give to others, just to feel good. A young student is motivated by a strong belief that attending medical school for many years to become a physician will make him/her feel good. Fear of going to jail and pain of legal problem and social humiliation will motive people to avoid the behavior. To avoid the pain of paying fine, we avoid speeding and passing the red lights.

Lets look at a more complicated situation. If we avoid taking action to lose weight, or fail to follow through with our decision, simply because at the time, we associate more pain to changing our regular eating habits and working out 5 days a week. In that moment of making decision, we wrongfully believe that changing eating habits is not going to help us to loss weight and we will fail. We are not willing to risk our current situation for something that we need to work hard to gain it. In this case, our brain does not have all the necessary information and strong motivation to calculate a right plan of action and create long lasting good feelings.

Also, it is true that in some circumstances, pain will motivate change in our behaviors. If someone is in abusive relationship for a long time, the emotional and physical pain eventually will motivate her to leave the relationship. In society, when people are under a long term painful political, and financial pressure, they form new organizations, coalitions, which eventually led to new level of political changes. Even in these situations, the ultimate outcome is good feeling for individuals seeking change.
If the goal of life and direction of our motives is to create good feelings, clarity of motives and intention will facilitate this purpose.

CLARITY OF VALUES

The common understanding is that knowledge is a prerequisite to making right decisions. Most people know the differences between right and wrong, but still have difficulties to make proper decision. Knowledge without clarity of values is rather powerless. For example, in modern society individuals using illegal drugs, smoking cigarette, and eating junk food have access to information regarding the dangerous effects of these habits on their health. If healthy life style is not on the person priority list as important value, knowledge alone will not create the desirable change. In order to create a change, we need to attach a meaning to the behavior. The meaning is a given value to our decision. For example, based on our value system we choose to give financial support to a charity organization. Our meaningful decision based on value system is calculated long before taking action to give money to selected charity group.

Values are our current estimations of what we hold to be important. When we form a value system, we are creating a guideline for how to live as an individual. Our life style, list of priorities in daily living, and decisions are based on the consciously determined value system. Clarity and consistency in our value system should make decision making easier and more outcome oriented.

Prioritizing our values is the most important step. Watching television is more important to us at night time or going to a social event, visiting friends and networking for our business. Peace and relaxing life is more important or adventure and creating wealth. For example, you have an opportunity to move to another country which offer you more money to work, but you must leave your family and friends for two years. what do you do? How do you make a decision? Financial security and adventure is your priority or being close to your friends and family members. You may evaluate at the time that making more money is the priority in this stage of your life. You make a decision that creating wealth and having adventure is a major part of your life style and peace and comfort comes second on the priority list. Knowing about the person's values hierarchy, gives us a fair chance of anticipating their behavior and action.

Few of our current values will change as our priorities change. We should be ready to reevaluate our current values and be open to change them as necessary. In one stage of our life gaining power and accumulating wealth become important. In another stage peace and gaining spiritual inside become our priority. Beside reevaluating and changing few of our values, the core values for a person with high level of mental and emotional stability will remain the same. If someone value justice and equality for all, there is a great change that this value will guide him/her in all decision making processes. To build our true-self , it is necessary to form core values and follow them in action.

VALUES AND NEEDS

Resolving conflict between values and needs is our ultimate challenge in making decisions. For example, in business in order to make money you are advised to hire cheap labor and pay a worker with family minimum wage. On the other hand, you value fairness and justice. Your moral values guided you to be honest, but in your business plan and marketing strategies you are not honest with customers about the products and services. In order to get a date, a person end up lying about his education, level of income, and past relationships. His need for companionship contradict his values for honesty. The art of decision making is to create a balance between needs and values. Achieving alignment means that our needs, values and beliefs reaches highest level of consistency.

TEN FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES:

1. Keep Moving Forward, No Excuses

2. Clarity of Motives, Intentions, and Values = Clarity in Decision Making

3. Faith + Plan of Action + Patience = Master your Mission

4. Four dimensions of successful living:Self-worth/Achievements + Love and connection + clear Purpose + emotional/physical health

5. Self-Control = Self-Confidence

6. Master your emotions: Avoid Getting Hurt(Law of 90/10)

7. Personal Responsibility vs. Victim Mentality

8. Science + Religion + Knowledge = Create Certainty

9. Realignment With Your True-Self = Achieving Objectives

10. It is all about building and keeping relationship

Discover and Follow the Universal Principles

A. Critical thinking=Balanced judgment
B. Law of Expectations vs. Habit of Assumptions
C. Do not take small thing for granted = make it count
D. Infinite options + multidimensional thinking
E. Attachment vs Detachment
F. Power of anticipation + preparation = Vision Thinking ahead of your time
G. Calculated risk taking = Getting ahead
H. Compationate + Assertiveness= effective communication

KEY PRINCIPLE #1


Keep Moving Forward, No Excuses


Even though our beliefs, thinking, and perceptions are our main sources of guidance in decision making and taking action, emotions are what we feel and deal with in any given situation. Every thought and belief is tied to emotion. In reality beliefs and values are our emotionalized thoughts. For example, if you believe in equality and justice for all, when you observe inequality and unfairness in the work place, a social function, or a family setting, you react to the situation with strong emotion and passion. Your reaction is more likely to manifest in the form of anger, outrage, and insisting for change.

Most Powerful Emotions

Every change we make, each action we take, is either originated in "Love" or "Fear." These are the most powerful emotions we experience in our relationships and interactions with the outside world. The common definition of love is: loving yourself and others, being peaceful, caring, and nice in your actions and reactions. A more broad definition of love, which we refer to as "dynamic love" includes: faith in the laws of the universe, unlimited options, consistency, persistence, faith in a solution for every problem, and being able to use all possible tools to move forward in any setting. It is the ability to create joy and passion. It means not to get stuck in any situation or at any stage of life, and to continue seeking solutions by taking action. The goal of dynamic love is peace and balance. It is our broad understanding that there is another door to knock on. Just keep looking for it and you will find it. Fear is another fundamental emotion. Fear is the opposite of dynamic love. The goal and origin of fear is insecurity. With fear we easily fall into the realm of selfishness, being overly protective and self-centered, using anger, rage, hate, and aggression to gain control. By choosing fear, we use unhealthy methods of gaining control in our personal lives and in social, business, and political environments. Parents with insecurities, will create fear in the family setting to gain control over their children. Leaders, in desperate need for power, use propaganda to create fear in society. They show their enemies, as being more powerful than they actually are, posing a higher level of threat and aggression. With fear we become angry, full of resentment, with a higher potential for depression, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, and being impatient with people. Prejudice and racism, with some level of hate for people being different from us, are originated in fear. Lack of tolerance for others, because of different views and opinions is a clear indication of living with fear and being deprived of dynamic love.

KEY DECISION

Although we are not able to eliminate fear from our lives, it is crucial to make a decision between dynamic love and fear, as our main source of guidance and direction. This is a conscious decision we have to make. Living with fear is a mentality that starts everything with negativity and doubt. It does not see good in people, or situations. Faith in God and religion is a subconscious source of fear, with the threat of going to hell and being punished. Living with dynamic love is an attitude that begin with a positive approach. God is good as a source of abundance, giving, and forgiveness. In times of difficulties, you know that an answer is within your reach. With this mentality you have a broad-based freedom to fulfill your basic needs, such as the need for security and certainty, the need for variety and excitement, and the need for love and connection. In our daily lives, we meet individuals who show passion and high interest in anything they do. You feel their excitement and joy. They have the fear inside, but they choose the dynamic love and determination to guide them.

SOLUTION

Entering into the realm of dynamic love, one must follow five principles:

1. Everything is moving, in the form of energy, and vibrates at a certain frequency. You must keep moving with these frequencies and not get stuck in your mind or your thinking.

2. Reach for and seek balance in all your actions. If peace and joy are your ultimate goals, balance must be your ultimate tool. Yes, sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice comfort, and work extra hard to reach the expected outcome. At the same time, impulsive, out of control emotions and thinking will damage the outcome.

3. Keep the "Ego" under control and believe in fairness and justice. Avoid putting yourself at the center of every action and decision without considering other people's interests and welfare.

4. Use broad vision and freedom in thinking. Be multidimensional in your thinking and consider all options and possibilities. Advocate for a spirit of cooperation and seek other's opinions and advice in reaching your decisions.

5. Be aware of your positive and negative emotions and keep in touch with yourself hour by hour. You have the choice to change the direction of your negative emotions. To keep the dynamic love alive one must stay in touch with positive sources of energy. Dynamic individuals, books, motivational CDs, spiritual connections, and nature are a few sources of positive energy. In order to keep moving, you must keep in touch with sources of movement and action.

We all have the potential to use love and passion as our motivation and drive, in dealing with people, and finding solutions for problems in daily living. Believing in the ability to create joyful moments and not being a burden for others, will make the dynamic love our ultimate choice for guidance. With this choice we provide ourselves with a powerful tool to gain control, without controlling others. All doors are open to master our emotions and use them in making decisions. This method will give us freedom in action and keep us free from getting stuck. Just look around; you will find the resources. Keep your mind open, and the resources will come to you.

Key Principles 2-10 will be discussed .

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CONNECTING TO THE UNIVERSE

Note: Please read the next article, first(Ultimate Connections)


We are fascinated with characteristics of the universe. We refer to anything big, complex, and infinite in nature as "universal." The universe, with it's systematic way of operation, creates faith in continuity for us. Our faith in characteristics of the universe create the reality that the cycle of life, with it's constant changes, will continue. The position of the Moon, the Sun, and the Earth in the universe, have been creating certainty in a world of uncertainty for 1000s of years. We have high levels of certainty, with continuity of day-time, night-time, four seasons, and what to expect in any of these circumstances. To expend our faith and hope in everyday life, we use spirituality, music, art, and nature, as a way to connect to the universe and its power of healing.

The universe refers to all space, time, matter, and energy. The Earth is a tiny part of the universe. There are an estimated 100 billion galaxies in the universe. Galaxies are spiraling whirlpools of objects and energy in vast empty spaces. We live in one of these galaxies, called the Milky Way. The typical galaxy contains about 50-100 thousand million stars.

Most of the elements found in the human body originated in stars. We are literally made of stardust. Stardust is part of NASA's series of discovery missions and is managed by the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. "Our solar system formed about 4.6 billion years ago, and around 3.5 to 4 billion years ago something kicked the origin of life off real quickly on earth, soon after the heavy bombardment by comets and chunks of asteroids subsided." The same dust that was inherited from the galaxy into the early solar system makes up all the atoms in our body. Based on these discoveries, our everyday experiences, and observations, our body and brain are in direct connection with universe.

We are able to compare the universe with our own biological one, a fascinating galaxy with billions of small neural cells form our brain and other parts of the nervous system. These gigantic neurological systems communicate among themselves by means of flashes of electrochemical pulses. Without this complex system it would be impossible to communicate with our secret internal worlds as well as the surrounding external world. We are able to communicate with everything, including the universe through means of sound, touch, taste, smell, and light.

The universe is a brain that aligns with our physical brain. There are indications of giant intelligence in every part of the universe. Every part is related and functions accordingly. In comparison, our brain is the top of the human nervous system and it is highly complex. Every cell in our body is an intelligent agent, functioning in relation to other cells and the body as a whole.

The human brain consists of about 100 billion neurons. There are about 1,000 to 10,000 synapses for each neuron. There are about 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the brain. Our brain is made of about 75% water. Information can be processed as fast as 268 miles an hour. A combination of electrical and chemical signals sends messages from neuron to neuron. Billions of such signals make it possible for the brain to create mental constructs of the external world the and connections we make. One of the reason each of us views the world differently is because our brains are wired differently. The human brain deconstructs then reconstructs impressions of the people, events, and objects related to the outside world.

The structure of the universe and the human brain is very complex and in many aspects very similar. Simply, both operate in a systematic, intelligent, interrelated manner, and, in the case of the universe, very balanced on all levels. We are responsible for using our brains and intellectual capacity to make this connection a meaningful connection.


CREATING PASSION

With this understanding of human potential, and the access to unlimited options, why we are not motivated to put this potential and these options to work more often?

We start our life with many dreams, goals, and interests. After a few set backs and failures in life's journey, gradually we lose interest and passion. Our high energy and hope will change to a conservative approach in taking action. Dynamic attitude replace itself with a passive attitude and a fearful mentality. Then age, talent, family background, luck, and bad timing become major excuses, for not following our dreams and interests. This new routine is dominated with indecisiveness, low self-confidence, boredom, and limited options to follow.

When we study the lives of influential people, we often see how their personal values guided them to create passion and dynamic interests. Without a clear value system, building passion and purpose becomes inconsistent, with no direction. The most successful individuals are constantly assessing their values. To them, values are a powerful driving inner force for creating passion and constant new interests, all through life. For them, failure will not lead to fear and passivity. Other limitations, including age have no determining power on their journeys.

In the realty of everyday life, making decisions with a high probability of reaching successful outcomes, is not based on the level of your IQ, family background, circumstances, or other differences. It is based on learning the skills to connect to our resources and building faith in the power of the brain as a tool for relating to the infinite possibilities in the universe. Obviously, early training in our childhood, under the care and supervision of healthy mentors, will bring these potentials into existence with predictable outcomes.

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ULTIMATE CONNECTION

One warm, summer day in July 2008, in Dallas, Texas, a 33 year old female came to my office for consultation concerning her broken marriage and deep sense of loneliness. She appeared very anxious and uncertain. She stated, "I do not feel close enough to my mother or father to share my story or seek their advice." She started crying while talking about her grandmother as the only person she could trust before before her death two years previoiusly. She had difficulties trusting men, including her own father. She continued complaining about loneliness and not being able to connect with people. She did not have any close female friends. She was married to an emotionally distant man, who was not affectionate.

During our meeting, she was encouraged to connect to few of her positive old friends, attend church and give some of her free time to families in need of her assistance. Before I finished with this suggestion, she appeared angry and serious, stating that, " I've attended church in the past, and it did not help me connecting to God or finding peace in my life. I am mad at religion and God, all together. My prayers are never answered. Whatever I asked from God, I do not get it. I've been praying for more love and affection from my husband. Instead, he is becoming more distant. What am I doing wrong?"

It was obvious that this young lady was very hurt due to her own failure to make connections. She appeared desperate to have associations; to be able to relate to family and friends; to create relationships with meaning and purpose in her life. She needed to find access to her internal power to enable her to make dynamic associations on all levels. Her method of evaluating people, her expectations from people, and being spiritual as a purpose, not as a goal, had to change.

After this long visit, we concluded that, to truly find fulfillment, she must begin to focus inward and reconnect with unlimited sources. She needed to find a way of connecting her PC (brain) to the Internet (universe) to gain broader perspective. She agreed that, with this new way of thinking and this new vision, new associations would become possible, and her energy and level of enthusiasm would raise.

Everyday we make hundreds of associations with people, objects, colors, music, and past events. Being aware of our feelings attached to these associations, will give us greater control over our happiness. Sometimes during our daydreaming process, we associate past events and future anticipations with pain and fear. The outcome of this is anxiety, mood changes, anger, and sadness.

Every pattern of thinking we form, and each decision we make, is filtered through positive or negative associations. If we associate smoking with pleasure and a sense of relaxation, we form a belief that smoking is enjoyable. If we associates helping people in need with kindness and fulfillment, then we view giving as rewarding and spiritual gain.

In order to make a positive association, first we must have clarity about what we want. Second, we need to evaluate the level of pain we are feeling, related to our current negative habits and behaviors. The intensity of our emotional pain must motivate us to create a passion for change. Most of the time the problem is not capability or knowledge, rather it is a lack of motivation. As a result of our long-term pain we must create a sense of urgency for change. Not "some day," or "one day," in the future. New decisions should be associated with a higher level of confidence and joy. For example, there is no logical reason to continue feeling frustrated and unhappy with being over weight. This long term pain must change to passion, following with the action to create a sense of empowerment: today, and now.

Scientific research, mixed with common sense, indicates that everything we observe and that comes to our imaginations is moving. Nothing is static or remains unchanged forever. Movement means constant and gradual transformation and change. Also it is logical that movement and change create energy. The process of producing energy takes place in the context of contacts and connections. Therefore, connections and movement generate all forms of energy. Energy is fuel for everything, including fuel for us as a human beings to survive and create passionate living.

Our identity and personal growth as individuals is based on associations and relationships. You walk into your new doctor's office and immediately feel uncomfortable. This negative feeling comes from the difficulties you anticipate in having to make a comfortable--and meaningful--connection with this doctor. If both of you, create self-awareness in making a positive connection, it will happen. We must evaluate and anticipate the benefit of making such a connection. We must be in touch with our intentions and feelings.

From the moment we are born our existence depends on different levels of connections. If we are raised by our biological parents, genetic and biological bonding create a strong desire for them to provide us with survival tools, such as love, affection, social contacts, and physical needs. During the process of creating meanings and building values and beliefs, we learn to connect to family members, friends, peer groups, and ultimately to God and to the universe. From an early age we recognize a strong need to be accepted, loved, and recognized by others. To the best of our ability, we try to fulfill these needs .

Obviously, during this journey of connecting and building identity, we face many obstacles, and disappointments. Gradually, we learn that even the people closest to us will not meet our expectations. In order to survive we are forced to build a false-self and accumulate toxic emotions and ways of thinking. Consequently, we have a higher chance of failure in building a healthy personality, particluarly if you are raised by parents with a tendency toward anger, abusive behaviors, depression, addiction, or low self-esteem. As a result of this bumpy road on our journey of growing up, fear and insecurity become our survival tools. Due to a lack of training and proper coaching, we face difficulties in solving problems by using communication and healthy connections. Instead, we use our insecurity and fear, to fight, reject, and disconnect.

SOLUTIONS

After years of suffering from emotional pain, confusion, and low self-confidence, some of us seek constructive solutions. We make a conscious decision to look for meaningful and passionate methods of connecting to people, building our true-selves, and ultimately relating to the power of the universe. We must expand our vision to create a higher level of connection and release ourselves from low level sources of energy.

The first step is to move above the problems we are facing. In order to discover the solution, we must distance ourselves from the problem. When we are flying, looking down, we see everything small and less intense. During flying, we are able to see things that we never had a chance to see from a different perspective. Being multidimensional in our thinking, requires a higher level of energy, and detachment, from the problem. We must create new associations, with a vision bigger than ourselves.

We achieve this goal, simply by learning more about the discoveries, related to oceans, space, the human body, and stories of fascinating people. Reading the stories of these hard-working and dedicated individuals, brings the miracle to the reality of everyday living. People who traveled difficult journeys, with great success, motivatate us to move beyond our current limited imagination and fly to higher altitudes in search of solutions.

Earlier tonight, February 17, 2010, I watched an amazing young man Vancouver, Canada wining an Olympic gold medal. He won his first gold medal in Turin, Italy, in the 2006 Olympics. Shawn White, at age 23, has been snowboarding since age 9. He was born with a congenital heart defect. Shawn endured two open-heart operations. His determination, and associating confidence and passion with snowboarding, distinguish him as one of the most accomplished athletes.

The story of Stephen Hawking is another source of motivation for all of us. Hawking is a world-renowned scientist ,with 30 years of research and teaching. He has a neuro-muscular dystrophy that has left him almost completely paralyzed. Still, with his condition, he dedicated his life to discovery of a larger universe. His energy comes from a strong faith in the power of his brain, and connections to all sources of energy in the universe, the way he knows it. At 68, he is never short of reason a to live with passion. He depends on a source that has unlimited power to draw energy from. Professor Hawking stated: " People are fascinated by the contrast between my very limited physical power, and the vast nature of the universe I deal with. My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe."

The crucial step is, building faith in the power of our brain as a very sophisticated PC and its connection to the magical inteernet of the universe. How to make this connection and create a constant flow of energy, will be the topic of our next discussion.

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TRUST ISSUES AND THE LAW OF PROBABILITY

Gaining trust is truly our major concern in relationship with others. Constantly, we evaluate our level of trust and degree of safety in relationship with friends, coworkers, spouse, government, and other social groups.

Trust is an expectation that a familiar person will not harm us at a time when we are vulnerable. Trust simply is placing confidence in others that they will be supportive and loyal to us. We need to feel secure and save sharing our feelings, thoughts, and past experiences with them. Again it is all about security and certainty. In relationship with others from friendship, intimate, family, and business relationships, feeling that nothing will disrupt the bond and loyalty is significant to us. We have expectations that people close to us will not intentionally hurt or take advantage of us when we are vulnerable or if we make mistake.

Loyalty will create sense of security in close relationships. To fulfill this basic need, gaining trust becomes significant condition in building a healthy relationship. We are constantly looking for new skills, methods of evaluation, and personal information about individuals in the beginning of relationship just to gain trust. The question, how and when to trust is on our mind all the time. Should we break up the connection with one sign of mistrust? Should we give the person a second chance? Where is the boundary and limits?

Finding answer to these questions should start with a basic principle, everything is relative to time, place, and situation. During the process of building trust, considering the law of probability is a significant factor. To a large degree, building trust in people is a history-dependent phenomenon. We should realize that there is minimum chance of building an absolute level of trust in any person or situation. Being successful in using law of probability in building trust requires meeting four conditions:

1. Getting to know yourself. Knowledge about our values, beliefs, issues in childhood, pattern of abuse in the past, and our vulnerable emotional spots.

2. Getting to know the person or group having relationship with is crucial. Knowledge about their pattern of behaviors, thinking, and way of approaching life circumstances. We do not spend enough time knowing people. There is no need to be paranoid. Just use your common sense. For example if someone is negative about other people and gets irritated about any situation, there is a chance that you will be the target of similar behaviors in this relationship. This approach is different from making judgment or being prejudice about individual differences. For better understanding of people we must be clear about our own values and principles. If we are not clear about our principle we need to get busy to build one.

3. Self-confidence and self-acceptance. Individuals with low self-esteem have difficulties to believe that they are deserving love and attention of others. They evaluate people with doubts and mistrust in comparison to themselves. With their victim and vulnerable thinking, they build a false belief that they will become victim again.

4. Changing your negative perception about people and avoiding mentality of living with fear.
Forming a new belief that not everybody has hurtful intention. Also creating freedom of thinking mentality and letting go of fears. Fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of getting hurt again are major obstacles to building trust in relationship and in people.

SOLUTIONS

After meeting these four conditions, you will observe and understand a positive connection between trust and law of probability in all relationships.
The usual pattern of building relationship with others is dominated by relying on few attractions that we see in person or objects. For example, if somebody is attractive, talking nice and is charming we open up our heart and emotion to that person. We have tendency to ignore weaknesses and thinking either will go away or we will change them. In business, during the process of buying an automobile we allow the salesperson set the desirable monthly payment for us. We fail to research and study the details of the selected automobiles and our financial capabilities before the negotiation. If something goes wrong, we blame the dealership and suddenly loss trust in them. With detail research and understanding of what we are looking for, we are able to lower the probability of getting a bed deal and as a result losing trust.

Past patterns of behavior and thinking, are indicators with high probability that similar behaviors will be repeated in future. Learning about people's past pattern of thinking and behaviors and becoming familiar with the person and situation will diminish the probability of getting hurt and losing trust. If we do not follow these principles, eventually we loss trust in our own judgment. Taking time and observing pattern of behaviors, being clear about our needs and wants are important factors in process of meeting people and building trust.

You must apply the principles of 90/10, in building trust in people and protecting yourself from getting hurt. Nobody will score 100 in our accounting book. We give everybody 10 points for just being a human being, operating under the influences of emotions, hormones and external forces. The closest person in our life has a 10 % chance of hurting us for what ever reasons. So we will put this in our calculation. We are expecting that closest person to us may hurt us with his/her poor judgments. Therefore, closest people to us will start with 90. With law of probability, any common and customary mistake will teach us about the person area of weakness and chance of making poor judgment in relationship. If somebody borrow money from us and did not meet the agreement that we set, he/she will move to a lower level. We will not disconnect from him/her. Also we will not drop the person from our list of friends and close associates. We simply learn that this person is not trust worthy in the areas of financial and money management. In world of building credit and banking you fail to follow the agreement, you will get the lower score on your credit. In future the market will not trust you until you build that trust back again. They will not drop you unless you show them a pattern that you are not trust worthy at all. From that point, the red flag goes up for you. This person still can be a hard working employee, and a good friend in other areas of life.

TRUST BUT VERIFY

In everyday contacts and interaction with people following this principle will give us another layer of assurance. Assuming that most people are not trust worthy will block you from going forward in journey of being successful. As the "Law" clarify: people are Innocent until proven guilty. Again, if the pattern of behaviors through time prove that individual or a group is not consistent with what they promise, than you rule guilty verdict. For example,during the first 3 months of relationship with someone, you recognize a pattern of repeated mood swing, lies, being angry with other people and you, controlling tendencies, and not being emotionally available to you when you need him/her. You give it a chance, until it was proven that this person is not meeting your needs and expectations. What do you do? If you have clarity about what you want than you make a decision to move on. If you are not clear you continue the toxic relationship and keep complaining about lack of trust and play a victim role.

A person that is addicted to a substance and been using it for a long time eventually will build a habit. This pattern and habit will continue showing up in most areas of his/her life until that person understand the reason for this addiction and see the benefit for change. Without serious change in his thinking and way of evaluating pain and pleasure, the probability of him returning to old habits is very high(75%). It should be clear that an addict without high desire for change and taking action is not trust worthy. It does not mean that he is a bed person. He has high probability of relapse and hurting you.

Your decision in this relationship is based on your detail evaluation of situation. We should give people close to us a chance to change the old and destructive pattern of behaviors. If they repeatedly fail to do it, either they have mental, emotional, or character issues or they are not ready and clear for change. Yes treatment is an option and we need to give it a fair chance. After that separation and forgiveness are the best options.

Change is possible if we see the benefit for change. To create change and build trust in people and in yourself, you need freedom of thinking and passion for living with clarity and peace of mind.

Also visit:

http://www.drnazempoor.com/

2009 WITH FEW GOOD NEWS

The year 2009 ended with some encouraging changes on the stage for people around the world.
Even though toxic individuals still are spreading their false and self -destructive beliefs, positive and spiritual forces are working with good intentions. The passionate, giving, and persistent side of human nature is moving forward.

Among the good news and many positive changes in 2009 there are few significant ones:


Finally, after years of division, American politicians decided to take action on the future of a dysfunctional health care system. Although, members of the Congress and the Senate were widely divided about the direction of health care in the future, they gave partial access and benefits to the American people, who are still last among the most industrialized nations and some developing countries. Access to quality health care and public education must be top priorities for any society as wealthy as is the United States. These two essential parts of daily living will improve the quality of life and help society to be more competent in a competitive global environment.
Both health care and educational systems need further advancement in quality and level of accessibility to all American people.

Finally, in year 2009, 192 nations agreed that there is a global warming problem and we must come up with a global solution. They put an end to the belief that global warming is another liberal idea, which is against economic growth. December 2009 is marked with an historical UN convention on climate change, in Copenhagen. It is a great start. It is another victory for people all over the world.

Finally, in 2009 more than ever before most nations agreed to stop the growing threat of terrorism and radicalism around the globe. Radical thinking has a tendency to ignore diversity and individual rights in society. Most of the time the radical approach is based on strong ideological views. When an individual, or group, comes to the conclusion that his/her religion or method of thinking is the only way to salvation, offering solutions to every problem, it will clear the way for elimination and harsh reactions to others. Beliefs and actions based on ideology, in any form, or shape, will lead to narrow and biased judgments. Historical evidence shows clear indications that use of force and close-minded views, in family environments, business settings, and other social groups will create the reverse outcome.

The majority of people and political leaders believe that a victory for the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan would have catastrophic consequences for the people around the world. Radicalism is a major obstacle, in the East or the West, against human freedom and advancement. Extreme methods of teaching at home, in school, in religious institutions, and political environments are contrary to human needs for freedom, independence, giving, and forgiveness. Our nature as individuals is familiar with dynamic movement, communication, expression, cooperation, and togetherness. We are able to achieve these necessary qualities by following the laws of the universe and creating balance.

VISION FOR THE FUTURE

Let us hope for broader vision and more harmony between our actions and basic human needs in year 2010. Personal responsibility and narrowing the gap between our false-self and our true-self is the key to moving us forward.

WHAT WE DO & WHY WE DO IT

MEASURE YOUR TOXICITY

These days, with the power of media in our daily lives, I am sure the majority of people are familiar with toxicity in our drinking water, air, environment, and the food we eat daily. Most of the food we eat is processed food, with added chemicals and preservatives. Medical reports and responsible health care providers warn us about food and substances with potential toxicity to our bodies. Some individuals, and companies, with the intention to make huge profits, often using deceptive marketing techniques, encourage the public to buy different pills, drinks, and other substances to lose weight, lower cholesterol, look younger, and live longer. Contrary to medical research, mass-produced, quick-fix solutions, and services are the accepted norms. Therefore, knowingly, we add toxicity to our bodies and create difficulties for our internal organs, instead of helping them to operate naturally.

Living a healthy life should not be as complicated as it is. Lack of clarity and failing to prioritize the important aspects of our lives, are creating unsafe living conditions for us, and our children. Why? It does not have to be this way. Don’t you think we are able to do better than this?

Let’s focus on some of these toxicities in our daily lives, from personal, emotional, environmental, and political, just to name a few.

One of the most important problems our planet is facing is greenhouse gases: a dangerous pollutant. December 2009 is marked with historical UN convention on climate change in Copenhagen. Some 192-nations met, to come up with a universal plan to tackle climate change. The question is why we, in western society, who care so much about human life, nature, health, and living with joy and happiness, have ignored this significant problem for so many years?

Scientists have been talking about global warming and environmental catastrophe for years. Why do not our politicians and religious leaders, as powerful forces, and supporters of public health, morality, and freedom, do anything significant about it? What are their motives, that they knowingly put themselves, the next generation, and our children in a very dangerous situation?

Leaving the environment toxic is as bad as making Atomic bombs, and other weapons of mass destruction. They are all toxic and destructive to life and human society. Don't you think it is selfish and irresponsible, that under the name of "economic growth" some companies and their share holders continue to profit from creating future environmental disasters?

The decision to continue building weapons of mass destruction, and polluting the environment is influenced by our fear, our sense of insecurity, our lack of trust, and our vision of our leadership with Big "EGO." The point of the matter is that these are examples of toxic thinking and toxic perception. It is contrary to our religious beliefs, our morals, and our values, which we talk about every day.

Yes, we know that we have to be realistic and "it is the way it is." But, this is an out-dated mentality. For example, there was a time, in our recent past, that racism, sexism, and violations of people’s basic human rights—because of their race, gender or other differences—was acceptable to a large segment of our society. Those views are no longer acceptable today, because they were rooted in our fear, our insecurity, and our selfishness at that time in our history. Finally, society reached the obvious conclusion that we are not able to eliminate a group of people. As a result, we cleaned our consciousnesses and removed those obstacles for closeness and unity.

Unfortunately, with all our intellectual advancements, we still witness violations of basic human rights, using force to suppress protests, expressions of opinion, and political ideas, in most countries around the world: most of the time, in the name of God and national security. In reality, leaders are protecting their own, limited, group interests and selfish political ambitions. This is another example of serious toxic thinking.

TOXIC EMOTIONS AND THINKING

By moving from the surface, to a deeper level, we are able to track down the roots of our toxic personal, social, and political behaviors. It all starts right from the minute of our births.

Before birth, nature gave human beings the amazing gift of a magical body and brain. Let’s say, if an individual is born without any physical or cognitive disorder, that individual has the potential and intelligence to capture and achieve the highest level of success. We are born with these infinite possibilities and unlimited options.

From birth, based on our family background—including social background, cultural background, and financial background— we gradually build our levels of toxicity. Parents, or guardians, especially mothers have the most influence on children’s perceptions, and views. The child will hear and observe the mother’s happiness, sadness, stress, emotional high/low, behaviors. From the early days of life, the child will learn to please and respond to parent’s demands and ways of thinking. Children slowly understand that in order to survive, they must keep their parents happy and get their approval. Children start to view world from their parents, teacher’s, and coach's points of view.

During this process, "EGO" is beginning to form. As a result, we grow up under the influences of social-cultural environment. If these sets of norms, values, belief systems have toxic elements, such as narrow vision, judgmental and ideological views, we have the potential to carry similar toxic views during our adult life.

In addition to influences of social-family environment, imagine if we are exposed to other toxic elements during our upbringing period. Being exposed to physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, addiction in the family, poverty, mental and emotional disorders, will contribute to our levels of toxicity. The side effects of these different kinds of instability and uncertainty will continue for many years. When a person has to live under fear of physical violence or the lack of love and affection needed to build compassion and empathy, that person has a higher chance of insecurity and toxic emotion.

For example, a couple who both were separated from their parents at an early age, are experiencing anxiety, fear, loneliness, and difficulties with trusting people. The wife was raised by her father, from age 5. She had difficulties overcoming the resentment toward her mother’s leaving her at an early age. The husband was sent overseas, to attend private school, at age 14. Both are intelligent, but with low emotional intelligence and maturity. They are overly sensitive; easily get hurt by each other, and other people. The “silent treatment” is their main weapon to protect themselves from others. The husband is successful in his business and spends most of his time working. The wife is feeling disconnected, lonely, and feels as a victim. They are not even enjoying their wealth. Their children also are in therapy for emotional difficulties.

Anger, resentment, jealousy, a need to control, sadness, anxiety, some level of depression, being revengeful, and violent tendencies are all examples of toxic emotions that we may feel and experience.

Things get worse when an individual knowingly continues the past levels of toxic beliefs and uses false rationalizations to justify that behavior. This rationalization is the way fundamentalism and ideological reasoning, in our political and religious beliefs find room to play a role.

In daily life, we witness this false justification of wrong action and thinking, in family, martial, business, and political settings. These individuals make a decision to use their toxicities for their personal gains, without regard for other people. Another dominate approach is “victim thinking.” It becomes convenient to blame family, parents, financial situations, and government for our failures. We forget to take a share of personal responsibility for the direction of our daily lives.

DETOXIFICATION

It is an obvious fact that we all have different degrees of toxicity. Some people have lower levels of it; some have higher levels of toxic emotion and thinking.

The good news is that we are capable of recognizing our toxicity and beginning the detoxification process in early adult life. It requires self awareness, motivation to change, being receptive to coaching, new ways of thinking, and taking action on a daily basis.

The first step is to be honest and take a hard look at our personality characteristics, values, beliefs, and behaviors. The second step is creating a plan of action, with clarity and consistency. The last step is to come out of “victim” thinking and take personal responsibility. As always, the ultimate tool for getting through this journey is taking action. The outcome is predictable. Peace and unity from within, and freedom of thinking in our personal, social, and political relationships.

It is your choice and your decision, to clean the past toxicity, and avoid building new toxic beliefs. It is an ongoing process. It needs ongoing action and self awareness.

Please also visit the website

http://www.drnazempoor.com